Put Some Clothes On!

10 Reasons to Wear Pantyhose

This weekend I was talking with my friend and colleague Susanne Skinner and we discussed the comment in my American Hustle post that women in the 70s didn’t walk out on the street—much less go out in the evening—with bare legs. We agreed that, as women of a generation raised to dress a certain way, we are uncomfortable with current fashion trends that dictate bare legs. When you combine bare legs with short skirts and off-the-shoulder tops, I sometimes see so much skin that I  want to shout, “Put some clothes on! Please!”

  

Baby, It’s Cold Outside 

I don’t know who started this style of non-dress or exactly when the bare-legged fashion trend began but I wish it would end soon. If I lived in Miami, San Diego, or Dallas, I might feel differently but here in New England it gets cold and walking around with practically no clothes on seems awfully uncomfortable to me.

Back in 2006 or 2007, I was meeting with the team from the company’s public relations agency. It was a cold, raw day in November and the young woman who was the junior member of the team came in with bare legs and a short skirt. Her lips were blue. I commented that she looked cold and she said . . . you won’t believe this . . . wait for it . . . “It’s in to be cold.” Really. Think about that for a minute. Being fashionable or stylish or even “cool” depends on what other people think of or react to what you’re doing or wearing. Who would know if you’re cold besides you?

Last year we were walking through an airport terminal when a young woman ahead of us bent over to take something out of a carry-on bag. She was short and stocky, wearing a miniskirt with no stockings. She bent over from the waist, something best done with a wall at your back, and everyone in the terminal could see parts of her underwear that only she and her husband should know about. I took a risk and put my hand on her shoulder as we went by. I whispered in her ear that she was flashing her underwear when she bent over and then walked on. I know, I know, but I would want someone to tell me if I was doing something so embarrassing.

Pantyhose has been much maligned by women, the fashion industry, and even female mystery authors who like to have protagonists like Kinsey Milhone, Stephanie Plum or Carlotta Carlyle tearing the offending garment off as soon as possible. It’s like pantyhose convey an aura of unwanted femininity. Granted, pantyhose are to women what neckties are to men—something to be worn as necessary and removed at the first decent opportunity—but pantyhose actually offer quite a few advantages. Significant ones.

10 Reasons to Wear Pantyhose

1. They keep you warmer than bare legs. If you have to wear any kind of skirt, pantyhose will keep your legs warmer than naked skin will. When it’s 15° F outside, I’ll wear pretty much anything to keep warm.
2. They conceal a multitude of shortcomings. Pantyhose cover up cellulite, moles, bumps, pimples. varicose veins, calluses, rolls of fat, unshaven legs, and other personal details that are best kept, well, personal. I don’t want to see any of them and I doubt men do either. The reality is that most women have legs that just don’t look that good up close. Even those perfect women you see in magazines don’t actually look that way: their imperfections have been airbrushed out. If those gorgeous, thin, fit young women aren’t considered worthy of being seen without technical assistance, those of us who aren’t models and don’t have the benefit of airbrushing need even more help. Pantyhose can be a girl’s best friend in that regard. They will also hide the unfortunate tattoo that clashes with your bridesmaid’s dress.
3. They help your shoes fit better. With pantyhose on, your feet don’t get all sweaty and stick to your shoes, which causes blisters and can make walking around really uncomfortable or even painful. It can also ruin the shoes. Pantyhose keep that from happening. Really. It’s true.
4. They’re sexy because they add a touch of mystery. Anyone who has read Pat Conroy’s The Prince of Tides knows how Tom Wingo fixated on Dr. Lowenstein’s shiny pantyhose and how erotic he found them. Her stockings were so important to the story that, in the movie version, the camera lingers on Barbra Streisand’s glittery, slithery legs.
5. They smooth out your figure. A good pair of control-top pantyhose can hide the fact that you ate too much for lunch—and have done so for the last week or the last month. They tone down an unsightly abdominal bulge so that skirts and pants fit and look better. Your new dress will slip smoothly over your figure.
6. 

   The Duchess of Cambridge with sheer stockings
   They help hold you up. Regardless of whether you are in retail sales or working in a tradeshow booth, standing for a long time on a hard floor wears you down. You start to slump and end the day with an aching back. Control–top pantyhose—or, better, support hose—pull in your abs and straighten your back so that you look better during the day and feel better at the end of it. This effect is so well-known that even men whose jobs require them to stand all day often wear support hose.
7. They make you look professional, well-dressed, pulled-together, sophisticated, and elegant. The Duchess of Cambridge knows this and often wears either sheer or colored hosiery, called “tights” in the U.K. That’s why Kate’s legs look so good. I thought if anyone could end this non-fashion statement, it would be her. So far, though, not so much. But if pantyhose work for her, they can certainly work for us non-royal, non-wealthy, non-celebrity women.
8. You don’t have to shave your legs as often. Does any woman enjoy shaving her legs? Anyone? With pantyhose, your legs don’t have to be smooth, shiny and hairless as a baby’s bottom every day. Every. Single. Day. That means you don’t have to shave every day, or every other day. You also don’t have to have the little tiny hairs pulled screaming out of your skin with a coat of hot wax. You didn’t have time to shave this morning? Relax! Who’s to know? Just pull on a pair of pantyhose and out you go.
9. They give you another way to accessorize. Fashionistas can turn to colored hose and patterned stockings as another way to add oomph to any outfit. Match them with the color of your dress or the color of your hair.  Pantyhose allow your outfit to extend all the way down to your toes.
10. They make your legs look thinner. It’s true. Just pull on a pair of pantyhose and your legs will look thinner and have a better shape. No dieting, no extra time on the treadmill required. It’s like magic. 

What’s that, you say? Pantyhose are expensive? They cost way less than a leg wax and a pedicure. They cost less than replacing that pair of shoes you ruined by sweating in them all day. They are certainly cheaper than the phone call you didn’t get because the hot guy at the next table took a good look at your varicose veins, on display for the world to see, and didn’t ask for your number.

No Sauce for the Gander

Now consider that most fashion designers are men.  They can dictate that women walk around half naked because they don’t have to worry about shaving their legs or freezing on a cold day.  What’s sauce for the goose isn’t even considered by the gander.

Cole Porter said it best: “In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, but now God knows, anything goes.”  Even he couldn’t imagine what’s going on now in the name of fashion.

It’s difficult to overcome your early training, much less your mother’s voice whispering in your ear, and I think that bare-legged women look cheap, cheesy, under-dressed, and classless. It’s like they’re ready for action with just a flip of the skirt. I’m just saying. So I really hope the under-dressed look disappears soon but the good news is that we can protest the nude leg, look better, and stay warm all at the same time just by slipping on a pair of stockings.

 Article credit(s)Thenextphrase